A Clear Pool

"Who am I?" Depending on how you have decided to live your life and the obstacles you face, this question could have a lot of very different answers, even for one person. Am I defined by what I believe? Am I defined by what I look like, how I dress, what I do? Am I defined by what I know and how I use it? Am I simply a scientific anomaly? I could be... ...but behind the question and the answers that come to the surface lies an idea and concept beyond explanation and definition... ..however, some sort of medium through which one can understand is needed... ...there is an essence, within the world and the things we know, that vibrates and emanates in a similar way as the being. That is, I am a part of everything around me. The very same as my polar opposite, and yet unique in itself. In me there is breath from the air of centuries long past, and power to shake through the future and its generations. If I take the time to dream through worlds that have passed and d...

Instead of just constantly seeing the world for what it is, like I know I should... or picking a general concept or belief to prescribe myself to, like I know most people do... ...I feel I am rapidly shifting from one to another. Sometimes feeling understanding and clarity, but always falling into a pitfall. I never thought I could be so emotional. From an outside perspective, I'm sure everything seems silly or typical. I even tried looking at my pain in this way. I tried seeing no reason for it, and hoped to let it go. Memories and dreams keep flashing before my eyes... the happy things are starting to become some form of sick torture. The happier, the more it hurts. I hope that the promises and the dreams could be more than lies. I hope that they could still come to be true... even if it's not in the context I had originally thought. The cold reality of what is happening cuts like a knife. I wonder, if these things were supposed to happen... if those words were ...

Take a step back: it's all connected Take another step back: it's all the same Every view of the world contains a portion of truth, but none contain all of it. They disprove eachother, they contradict one another... yet they coexist. For every person, the truth is viewed through a veil of their choosing. Do I view the world through religion? Do I view it through science? Do I view it through the physical? Do I view it through the spiritual? Everyone assumed the choice was to be made, but sometimes the best choice to make is not to make one. You either did it, or you did not. To me, the spiritual and the unseen are horrors beyond belief. You feel it, or you don't. To me, the purely physical are savage and heartless. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum. We are making mistakes to counter-balance the fear between us. I feel, and fear, that there was too much too soon... ...and I am truly sorry. I know I was trying to digest too much... viewing from a veil of...

It hurt but it left no mark. I was sad but I wasn't crying. I was happy but I wasn't smiling. If you look at the world through only the physical, everything is very clear cut. You either did it, or you didn't. When you assign a limit to things...or you ask "why?" then everything becomes unclear and hazed. When you step back and ask "why not?" you're assigning a limit... ...it's painful no matter what you do. If I want to kiss you... If I want to be near you all the time... I wish I could just do it. I wish, but there is a castle of thought I have built around myself. You can't bother him. You can't drive him away... so I drive myself away. You can't just love who you want to love, dislike whoever bothers you, or kiss whoever you feel like kissing... so I drive myself mad. Taking a step outside that castle, it feels like everything falls apart. Why am I not strong enough on my own? I want to do so many things, but w...