Where's my control?

It hurt but it left no mark.
I was sad but I wasn't crying.
I was happy but I wasn't smiling.

If you look at the world through only the physical, everything is very clear cut. You either did it, or you didn't.
When you assign a limit to things...or you ask "why?" then everything becomes unclear and hazed.
When you step back and ask "why not?" you're assigning a limit...

...it's painful no matter what you do.

If I want to kiss you...
If I want to be near you all the time...
I wish I could just do it.

I wish, but there is a castle of thought I have built around myself.
You can't bother him. You can't drive him away... so I drive myself away.
You can't just love who you want to love, dislike whoever bothers you, or kiss whoever you feel like kissing... so I drive myself mad.

Taking a step outside that castle, it feels like everything falls apart.
Why am I not strong enough on my own?
I want to do so many things, but why do I have to live a certain way?
If I sacrifice the physical world to live in another, why can't that just be my choice?
Once I finally accepted that I need help, I found out that so many things people see that I need to do are things that I don't want to do.
It's so clear to them, but they don't see what is stopping me.
I feel like if I tell them everything, they will leave me.

Why can't we all just be together? Why can't we all just escape together? Why do we have so much holding us down?

Why won't anyone understand me?
Because I won't let them...

It's all a cycle, and I'm perpetually drowning in it.

If I just want to see you right now, shouldn't I just call you?
...but my hand won't touch the phone...because I am afraid.

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