Bitter
I really don't know how to feel recently. It seems to me that I don't really need to know anything. One should just feel. But the delicate balance between dreams and reality has been off kilter for some time now. My mind has been off for some time. Experiencing this world through thought, distractions and confusion betray emotion. I feel like a baby. I'm reliving flashes of my childhood, and they are spilling out of my mouth. They are rushing through me again. I am that child again. I am angry at my parents again. It's not fair again! And then I realize that it was me all along. I was the one making the world such a dark and unforgiving place. I was making it into a nightmare. I tried so hard to reject that nightmare, by pretending everything was okay on the outside. But by not expressing myself, I was turning all the negativity and pain inward. It was becoming a part of me, and I did it to myself. I am seeing that little girl, now. Removed from me, she cowers, ...