A Clear Pool

When I wake up...I'm usually not terribly excited to be awake. I remember my dreams with such clarity, that I often wish I could live in them instead of reality. When I realize I'm convincing myself to live a dream in this reality, and I finally decide to wake up... I'm usually not terribly excited to accept what I understand to be true. It's because I am so resistant of the truth that I keep having to learn the same lesson over and over. The dreaming world just seems so beautiful and ideal, I thought I could have at least little parts of it. I would lower my standards, just let me have a tiny piece of that dream-like world. It's like deciding to abandon your possessions...but you want to keep that one item. The deal is incomplete. "Can't I just keep this one thing?" But the truth is that in time you will overcome the loss of anything. The initial adjustment following the change (from dream to reality) can be very painful. Just as there are po...

Purpose. That's a really heavy word. Words bearing the meaning that has been assigned to them by the cognition of an individual. Part of the pain in learning something new, is realizing the purpose. With purpose, comes understanding...and if you are wise enough: acceptance. To accept an outcome, path or idea that you don't particularly like and let go of the human ties that bind you, to this world and to your notions about how things "should be", doesn't actually have to be very painful. Often, though, it is very much so. Separating something that has become a part of you from what is in essence "you"can hurt more than you would have imagined...and more than anyone else may be capable of understanding. Understanding... I really thought that was the point, the purpose of meeting someone who has the power to change your life. The truth is, no one has to understand you for you to exist. No one has to understand you for you to grow... because so...

There are a lot of pictures in the world. I'm starting to catch the little ones flashing by on unexpected items (like logos on products) and think, that looks a lot like... well it's isn't really that unintentional. My first instinct, especially as an artist, is to recreate it correctly. Well, I've had a lot of practice suppressing instincts, so let's hope I can be a little smarter in the future and wait til I actually know what I'm doing. It isn't really a problem, just a little over zealous. Some other wondrous images I'm seeing now are people moving in slow motion. It's nice because it gives me time to react, and maybe get away with pretending I saw nothing. Let's hope I actually see in slow motion and that my actions go unnoticed, because I embarrass myself a bit. Today, for instance, I saw a guy wearing some ridiculous white over-the-ear headphones...and right as I realized who it was time seemingly slowed down so that my glance and ...

If I am on a speeding train to nowhere, into an abyss... it's fair enough for you to jump off and save yourself. My love will never be enough to save you from yourself or the world... much less what you perceive to be the hell that I entice you toward. The people I always thought I could trust... I expected too much from them. In the end, memories are all just pictures flashing before my closed eyes, and life is like a perpetual film. Everything is just part of the set... everyone is just acting. Nothing can become real until it is over. When it is over, even the pictures and photographs that were left will become ash. It's amazing what a smile can do. I am not very eloquent. More to the point, I am a very awkward person. I feel like I don't really know who this person is. The pictures feel like they are all lies. I see my picture and I wonder, "Is that really me?" I want to change it. Sometimes I wish I could forget everything and be a new person... tha...