The little things I thought were worth it

If I am on a speeding train to nowhere, into an abyss... it's fair enough for you to jump off and save yourself.

My love will never be enough to save you from yourself or the world... much less what you perceive to be the hell that I entice you toward.

The people I always thought I could trust... I expected too much from them. In the end, memories are all just pictures flashing before my closed eyes, and life is like a perpetual film. Everything is just part of the set... everyone is just acting. Nothing can become real until it is over. When it is over, even the pictures and photographs that were left will become ash.

It's amazing what a smile can do.

I am not very eloquent. More to the point, I am a very awkward person. I feel like I don't really know who this person is. The pictures feel like they are all lies. I see my picture and I wonder, "Is that really me?" I want to change it.

Sometimes I wish I could forget everything and be a new person... that's just so sad. You never meant anything like that, but I realized I did.
At the time I was thinking, "I could never forget you"...but would I give up those happy memories, thoughts that I might actually be able to live this way, to forget everything else and begin anew? It sounds appealing at first, but I can never know what will happen... and new life could be so much worse.

I'm starting to learn that thinking and speaking are my worst traits... I always thought they made me lively and more real. Maybe that's truly the fault. It made me real to everyone but myself.

"It just doesn't sound right when you try to put your thoughts into words."

You're right, I don't know what I was thinking... I just don't know anymore. So why am I still talking?
Because I'm a fucking train wreck.

A train wreck that doesn't know shit and never stops talking.

Horoscopes say that we should have never met.
I thought, "well we did, so I want to run with it"... then you said we should have never met.
...I just can't think... staring at nothing, I looked at you and said something stupid like, "ok".

Can't I stop dreaming and actually live? Can't I stop living and never leave my dreams?

Can I really keep going in this cycle?

I have so far... let's see who will come and go today.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Discontent

Paraphrasing and quotations from Civilization and Its Discontents by Sigmund Freud Civilization, or at least the aspect that Freud thinks is a socialized super-ego, is merely a cultural metaphor for the psychic fulfillment in each of us of a narcissistically thrilling wish to destroy the world, a wish "fulfilled" in a monstrously ingenious phantasmatic scenario of self-destruction.  Interestingly, it is difficult to determine a proper definition for the word "civilization". I remember this always being a complicated topic in school, and during my studies (particularly of Literature, English, and Sociology) the question often arose: what makes people that much better than others? Colonization, for example, notoriously comes with disdainful notions that one people deserve or rightfully should be ruled by another. The definition that seems to be ultimately settled on in this book is actually quite poetic compared to any definition I was ever taught (or ever disc...
Read more

Musical Soul

Image
A large part in the whole that is me reverberates at a musical level. Music not only inspires me, as an artist, it also has the power to awaken parts of my very being (my soul, if you will). I know a lot of people like this...and as I walked home tonight, listening to music, I came to identify this key component of my life. It seems that the times I feel most moved and inspired always come as I listen to music. Today, I realized something about that music... ...the music which moves me most tends to be filled with sad emotion. Current Song on Repeat (Lyrics) It's not necessarily that I like being sad or the songs are intended to be sad, but more that I feel most natural and understanding of that emotion and sound. The image and feeling of crying softly to the sound of beautifully sad music really strikes a chord with me. Perhaps it's just that I am really familiar with that emotion... personally, I don't feel like that's a "bad" thing. A thought cam...
Read more

A beginning to something that's already started

Image
It's been only five days since moving to the Kennesaw State University campus. Going in, I felt more than a little trepidation and disappointment. In my imagination I would have been going to a magnificent art school this semester, and it seemed that the image I have of who I want to be and what I want to do would be hindered by reality. It's fortunate, then, that reality is entirely subjective. It also helps that I have a few friends on campus. Another benefit is that out of the many people I have no interest in meeting, the few I need to meet always stand out. Perhaps now would be a good time to thank the powers that be that I have a good sense of direction (in multiple facets)...since my friends don't have a literal sense of direction and my nature lends to a lack of human interaction. If there's one thing I've been made aware of, it's that:  You can arrive at any given destination from any direction. I find it funny how that is true in the most lit...
Read more