What are we supposed to care about?
It's kind of interesting what it means to not be a part of a group...
...(forgive me, I'm about to rant)...
By that I mean a group that is oppressed, mistreated, or really just not in a position to change for the better on its own. I mean a group whose problems are pretty obviously from the way "society" or "the majority" treat them. This could really be anything, but usually it's social. There are groups because of institutional labels such as "race", "sexuality", "religion", "political ideals", "gender", "wealth", the list goes on.
Maybe I've been brainwashed by "the system" in some way by my education (particularly my World History, Sociology, Philosophy, World Literature, and Linguistics classes... pretty much any class I actually enjoyed and cared to study hard for) even though my own assumptions were quite far removed from textbook notions...or maybe I just think too much for my own good. But it seems to me that the problems with society and the people in it can clearly boil down to the concept of "labels".
Now as soon as I start to reject labels, people are going to shove me into various labels/categories that essentially discredit any of my ideas. I might be considered a hippie or a hipster or conspiracy theorist or just "weird". Maybe I'd be considered a socialist or even a communist, depending on how little or how much you know.
But I want to say that I am none of that. I'm just a human.
I have various human qualities, mostly based on my physical appearance and my body. I also have many human qualities that are invisible, or that would remain invisible if I didn't talk and write so much. Just some menial things like ideas and emotions.
But all my life, and all any human's life, I'll be sorted into categories that make me quantifiable. My value as a human can be almost instantly judged by anyone, based on an innate and historically established system of labeling. This "system" separates anyone from everyone and everyone from anyone. We try to get to know people as "groups" and "labels" rather than as people, because it makes dealing with other people that much easier.
Perhaps the reason such a system has survived so well is that it serves so comfortably as protection of the things that actually make you yourself. If the majority would hate you, you can find comfort that some others are like you. If you are the majority, you can isolate yourself from others by staying where you are and judging everyone else.
I used to like a saying, "You are unique just like everybody else."
*Slight Digression (I may have mentioned this in other words at the time):
There was an activity planned freshman year by the RAs of my dorm. It was called "LGBTIQ&A" or something witty like that, meant to be a "no-hold's-bar" Q&A session for "straight" people to ask "LGBTIQ" people anything and get honest answers. I was asked to attend this by members of the LGBTIQ Alliance at my school. Mostly, I sat back and just listened. But finally there was a dialogue that happened that I could no ignore, and I stood up.
Someone asked, "Is it okay to use the word 'gay' as slang if I'm supportive of your lifestyle?"
The president answered that "gay" has been used mostly as a derogatory term in slang, and that calling anyone that in a negative way simply perpetuated the negativity in it, even if one was joking.
That person scoffed and replied, "Well, I'm a n***** and my friends and I call each other that even though it was a derogatory term in the past. We all know it isn't meant that way, so couldn't be the same with the word 'gay'?"
Now the president was struggling to answer. Someone else on the committee answered that if anyone but friends called someone that, the joke would be lost because of the negative connotations.
"Well, I say you're like my friend and you can call me n*****, so why can't I call you my gay? Or call you queer or homo?"
Finally I stood up. I said something to the effect of, "Forgive me if I sound like a know-it-all but it seems to me that most of the hate in this world comes from determining a label for a group that is not yourself and using that label to keep them separate from you. In Sociology there is a theory that all social deviance is the product of identifying people as deviants rather than considering qualities of people to be the problem. If we want to make the world a better place, we need to get to know people for who they are rather than what labels and categories they fall under. And calling people by those labels will just further isolate us from each other."
She stood up, looking like she was about to spit fire, "I am a Black Woman from a Poor background, I have been oppressed all my life and called all kinds of names all my life. I get called n***** by YOU white people all my life for no reason. So I don't see why I have to give any of YOU gays any consideration."
"I am actually not technically gay", I wanted to say. "I also never called you any of those things... you actually just called yourself all of them just now. You see? If someone calls you something hatefully enough, you can even learn to hate yourself. Don't you think calling someone a hateful term, even as a joke, could hurt them as well? Don't you think the world could be a better place if that didn't happen to anyone? And don't you understand that you have the power to reject society and everything it tells you you are?" I didn't say any of that, because I was too angry to think straight. Something about the way she looked at me and emphasized "you". You are a White Gay Woman so YOU cant judge a Black Straight Woman, she seemed to be saying. You don't know anything about me, and if you did you might find that I am not any of those things.
I am just a person.
But so many people want me to tell them who I am through these stupid labels.
I don't think race matters, because I can't even tell you what I am "ethnically". To some people I'm multi-racial or mixed, to most I am just white (because I look white or "act white"). What does it actually mean to be white? Does it even mean anything? I don't think sexuality matters because I find individuals to be attractive for so much more than what genitalia they have, actually I usually have a pretty immature aversion to genitalia. I don't think gender identity matters because I think I'm more than what parts I have, and I think anyone can like whatever they like just because they like it. It doesn't make any sense to me when people say that a boy who likes pink is acting like a girl or a girl who likes trucks is acting like a boy. People just like whatever they like and act however they feel.
Without labels, people are all so much more colorful...You never know what to expect, because you aren't really expecting anything. With labels, everything is so boring and confining, people just walk up to you and you think you know everything just from looking at them, just from talking to them once.
Ok, so I thought, "To treat everyone equally, I ought to just get to know individuals and not think of them based on anything but what they tell me about themselves and how they choose to act. They would just have those qualities, not be that kind of person." I thought all people are just people. Labels don't matter. How people feel and what they think is what matters.
But that backfired so horribly, I think. HAHAHA I bet you can guess what people thought about that. Some people looked relieved when I said I wouldn't judge them or label them... but then they would ask me to quantify myself. "So you're gay" or "So you're straight"? "Well, you have a vagina so you're a woman." "Where are you from? No, where are your parents from? Oh, I knew you were mixed." "No you're just white."
That's fine. You do that, but I don't need you in my life. And sorry I'm not sorry that I don't care about those things about you.
Well... the world just becomes lonelier and lonelier. At some point I could count my friends on my hand.
People seemed to want me to care about whatever labels they cared about...
They tell me what it's like being in their category or group. But they can't seem to escape it in themselves... maybe I can't either...
By trying to not have judgements based on those labels... I somehow lost my way to connect to people. When ideas and feelings matter the most, suddenly those feelings become vulnerable. Suddenly the labels make everything safe. I don't have an opinion on "white/black violence" because I think any kind of violence is deplorable. But then it's that "you don't understand because you're not black" or "you should think this way because you're white". I just don't think people should hurt each other, and I think labels are particularly awful reasons to, but that's not enough.
I tried to get over my own insecurities about my body and my gender identity... now I have to worry about everyone else's. People with the M/F mentality either try their best to put me in one category or another, or they dismiss it completely. Haha, I don't need you to tell me what it is. People who do not think in such a "black and white" way tend to think that I am insensitive. Just because I am content in my own skin now, doesn't mean that other people should... apparently. The part about letting other people tell you, well that is full of inconsistencies and plot holes that all indicate that I'm an insensitive asshole. It kind of seems like I need to protect them from myself, whatever that really means.
You can't make everyone happy, well, you can't change the world either. But if you don't try then the world easily becomes that much more fucked up... Because you may not be able to make the people around you happy... but you can sure as hell make them more miserable.
This kind of paradox makes it really hard not to just say "fuck it all" and just stop talking to humans. Do I have a choice? I just don't want to be human anymore.
And then... it's times like these that I can count people that understand me... maybe on a finger. And weirdly, that person might be the only one in this world who really gets it, and probably gets it even when I don't rant about. If I have a category or label that I am happy to have, I guess it might just be that I am that person's friend.
Oh, or you can call me intelligent. I like that a lot, because it's such bold faced flattery. I am that person's "Intelligent Friend", and maybe with that I can reconcile being human.
...(forgive me, I'm about to rant)...
By that I mean a group that is oppressed, mistreated, or really just not in a position to change for the better on its own. I mean a group whose problems are pretty obviously from the way "society" or "the majority" treat them. This could really be anything, but usually it's social. There are groups because of institutional labels such as "race", "sexuality", "religion", "political ideals", "gender", "wealth", the list goes on.
Maybe I've been brainwashed by "the system" in some way by my education (particularly my World History, Sociology, Philosophy, World Literature, and Linguistics classes... pretty much any class I actually enjoyed and cared to study hard for) even though my own assumptions were quite far removed from textbook notions...or maybe I just think too much for my own good. But it seems to me that the problems with society and the people in it can clearly boil down to the concept of "labels".
Now as soon as I start to reject labels, people are going to shove me into various labels/categories that essentially discredit any of my ideas. I might be considered a hippie or a hipster or conspiracy theorist or just "weird". Maybe I'd be considered a socialist or even a communist, depending on how little or how much you know.
But I want to say that I am none of that. I'm just a human.
I have various human qualities, mostly based on my physical appearance and my body. I also have many human qualities that are invisible, or that would remain invisible if I didn't talk and write so much. Just some menial things like ideas and emotions.
But all my life, and all any human's life, I'll be sorted into categories that make me quantifiable. My value as a human can be almost instantly judged by anyone, based on an innate and historically established system of labeling. This "system" separates anyone from everyone and everyone from anyone. We try to get to know people as "groups" and "labels" rather than as people, because it makes dealing with other people that much easier.
Perhaps the reason such a system has survived so well is that it serves so comfortably as protection of the things that actually make you yourself. If the majority would hate you, you can find comfort that some others are like you. If you are the majority, you can isolate yourself from others by staying where you are and judging everyone else.
I used to like a saying, "You are unique just like everybody else."
*Slight Digression (I may have mentioned this in other words at the time):
There was an activity planned freshman year by the RAs of my dorm. It was called "LGBTIQ&A" or something witty like that, meant to be a "no-hold's-bar" Q&A session for "straight" people to ask "LGBTIQ" people anything and get honest answers. I was asked to attend this by members of the LGBTIQ Alliance at my school. Mostly, I sat back and just listened. But finally there was a dialogue that happened that I could no ignore, and I stood up.
Someone asked, "Is it okay to use the word 'gay' as slang if I'm supportive of your lifestyle?"
The president answered that "gay" has been used mostly as a derogatory term in slang, and that calling anyone that in a negative way simply perpetuated the negativity in it, even if one was joking.
That person scoffed and replied, "Well, I'm a n***** and my friends and I call each other that even though it was a derogatory term in the past. We all know it isn't meant that way, so couldn't be the same with the word 'gay'?"
Now the president was struggling to answer. Someone else on the committee answered that if anyone but friends called someone that, the joke would be lost because of the negative connotations.
"Well, I say you're like my friend and you can call me n*****, so why can't I call you my gay? Or call you queer or homo?"
Finally I stood up. I said something to the effect of, "Forgive me if I sound like a know-it-all but it seems to me that most of the hate in this world comes from determining a label for a group that is not yourself and using that label to keep them separate from you. In Sociology there is a theory that all social deviance is the product of identifying people as deviants rather than considering qualities of people to be the problem. If we want to make the world a better place, we need to get to know people for who they are rather than what labels and categories they fall under. And calling people by those labels will just further isolate us from each other."
She stood up, looking like she was about to spit fire, "I am a Black Woman from a Poor background, I have been oppressed all my life and called all kinds of names all my life. I get called n***** by YOU white people all my life for no reason. So I don't see why I have to give any of YOU gays any consideration."
"I am actually not technically gay", I wanted to say. "I also never called you any of those things... you actually just called yourself all of them just now. You see? If someone calls you something hatefully enough, you can even learn to hate yourself. Don't you think calling someone a hateful term, even as a joke, could hurt them as well? Don't you think the world could be a better place if that didn't happen to anyone? And don't you understand that you have the power to reject society and everything it tells you you are?" I didn't say any of that, because I was too angry to think straight. Something about the way she looked at me and emphasized "you". You are a White Gay Woman so YOU cant judge a Black Straight Woman, she seemed to be saying. You don't know anything about me, and if you did you might find that I am not any of those things.
I am just a person.
But so many people want me to tell them who I am through these stupid labels.
I don't think race matters, because I can't even tell you what I am "ethnically". To some people I'm multi-racial or mixed, to most I am just white (because I look white or "act white"). What does it actually mean to be white? Does it even mean anything? I don't think sexuality matters because I find individuals to be attractive for so much more than what genitalia they have, actually I usually have a pretty immature aversion to genitalia. I don't think gender identity matters because I think I'm more than what parts I have, and I think anyone can like whatever they like just because they like it. It doesn't make any sense to me when people say that a boy who likes pink is acting like a girl or a girl who likes trucks is acting like a boy. People just like whatever they like and act however they feel.
Without labels, people are all so much more colorful...You never know what to expect, because you aren't really expecting anything. With labels, everything is so boring and confining, people just walk up to you and you think you know everything just from looking at them, just from talking to them once.
Ok, so I thought, "To treat everyone equally, I ought to just get to know individuals and not think of them based on anything but what they tell me about themselves and how they choose to act. They would just have those qualities, not be that kind of person." I thought all people are just people. Labels don't matter. How people feel and what they think is what matters.
But that backfired so horribly, I think. HAHAHA I bet you can guess what people thought about that. Some people looked relieved when I said I wouldn't judge them or label them... but then they would ask me to quantify myself. "So you're gay" or "So you're straight"? "Well, you have a vagina so you're a woman." "Where are you from? No, where are your parents from? Oh, I knew you were mixed." "No you're just white."
That's fine. You do that, but I don't need you in my life. And sorry I'm not sorry that I don't care about those things about you.
Well... the world just becomes lonelier and lonelier. At some point I could count my friends on my hand.
People seemed to want me to care about whatever labels they cared about...
They tell me what it's like being in their category or group. But they can't seem to escape it in themselves... maybe I can't either...
By trying to not have judgements based on those labels... I somehow lost my way to connect to people. When ideas and feelings matter the most, suddenly those feelings become vulnerable. Suddenly the labels make everything safe. I don't have an opinion on "white/black violence" because I think any kind of violence is deplorable. But then it's that "you don't understand because you're not black" or "you should think this way because you're white". I just don't think people should hurt each other, and I think labels are particularly awful reasons to, but that's not enough.
I tried to get over my own insecurities about my body and my gender identity... now I have to worry about everyone else's. People with the M/F mentality either try their best to put me in one category or another, or they dismiss it completely. Haha, I don't need you to tell me what it is. People who do not think in such a "black and white" way tend to think that I am insensitive. Just because I am content in my own skin now, doesn't mean that other people should... apparently. The part about letting other people tell you, well that is full of inconsistencies and plot holes that all indicate that I'm an insensitive asshole. It kind of seems like I need to protect them from myself, whatever that really means.
You can't make everyone happy, well, you can't change the world either. But if you don't try then the world easily becomes that much more fucked up... Because you may not be able to make the people around you happy... but you can sure as hell make them more miserable.
This kind of paradox makes it really hard not to just say "fuck it all" and just stop talking to humans. Do I have a choice? I just don't want to be human anymore.
And then... it's times like these that I can count people that understand me... maybe on a finger. And weirdly, that person might be the only one in this world who really gets it, and probably gets it even when I don't rant about. If I have a category or label that I am happy to have, I guess it might just be that I am that person's friend.
Oh, or you can call me intelligent. I like that a lot, because it's such bold faced flattery. I am that person's "Intelligent Friend", and maybe with that I can reconcile being human.
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