Wounded

Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.

It's amazing how greater creatures than ourselves can do such wonders. A sinner that goes before God can have all his sins forgiven, pardoned even. And afterall, are we not all sinners, merely of lesser and greater degree?

When your enemy walks into a church, prays, and turns to you to say, "Now God has forgiven me for everything I did to hurt you." That's when you might appreciate such sentiments in the most extremity. And if you are a greater man than me that extremity is of gladness, joy and happiness, "Thank you, God, for forgiving this man when I could not!" How wonderful! Cry, rejoice, sing!

But let's be real for a moment. We are sinners, aren't we all? We do not necessarily feel such benevolence and peace as divinity. And when such a man comes before me they are not repentant, to me they are a fucking coward and a liar. You went to God, an imaginary thing, because you could not look me in the goddamn face and say one word, "sorry". You can not own up to your mistakes to other people, you probably can't even own up to them to yourself, and you go and imagine that there is an imaginary man (even a man like yourself) who is not only listening to you, but he can make all the bad things you did go away like magic- a miracle!

Forgiveness. That's for women. Because women are the ones those men decided to hurt and scar and rip apart mentally, physically and every other way their greedy disgusting filth can manage.

God forgives men, as a man, for what they have done to women. What a fucking joke.

The real man to me is one that, when he can not own up to his own sins he tortures himself to his own core until he can manage it and then takes retribution on himself for the wrongs he has done... but wait, I keep seeing this happen from women. "It was my fault. I'm sorry. It was my fault I was in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the ever-so-slightly wrong thing." And just falling to pieces because they feel like they did something wrong, like they sinned. And trying with all their heart to change even if it's a long and lonely journey through the darkness of their own mind.

Maybe I don't like that God comforts people.

Maybe I think people need to suffer to understand the consequences of their actions. Maybe I think they can get forgiveness when they earn it by a lifetime of penitence, good will, and positive internal change. Maybe I think people have to be able to do this for themselves by themselves while internally suffering until they get it right- until they make something right for once in the world. If you put something horrible and cruel and disgusting into the world, and you can't take it back- can't even face it- then fill the world with so much beauty and love and compassion that no one can believe you ever did anything wrong- you can't even believe it.

Sometimes, I admit, it's even fun to point out your own mistakes. Here, let me show you: I judge people mercilessly based on their grammar and the condition and style of their shoes. Being aware of this, I want to teach people and donate my clothes.

Your turn: You don't particularly like my blog post and think that I've gone too far...

Oh... oh dear. I did not mean to go too far. Really. I think I will stop writing this very sarcastic and judgmental blog entry and get some sleep. Then I'll write some poetry and draw and make things for the rest of my life to make up for these terribly emotional blogs I post. And since I have written so many and will doubtlessly write more, I'm really going to do my best about it. You don't have to believe me, I just have to do it and try until I make up for it (which will be until the day I die). And because I have offended someone and made them feel bad, I want to personally apologize to that person. I. am. so. sorry.

(See, not that fucking hard. Baby steps people. Baby steps. Life may not even need a purpose if you just try to spend it putting better things into it than that you take from it.)



...also I'm probably going to keep posting when I get emotional. Run away while you still can.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Discontent

Musical Soul

A beginning to something that's already started