The Empty House
I read once, that perspective is not just a matter of what you see...but how you see it.
In my extremely fatigued state, I begin to see things much differently. The world I know blurs, and shapes and figures that I only sensed before become more clear. It's like my normal perspective is a film strip, and behind the frames of what I normally see are forms I ignore... and as that strip decays, develops holes and thins, I can see another reality more and more distinctly in each frame.
This has been especially true whenever I stayed up late speaking to a friend about the nature of this unknown world. And often, my friends would begin to see the same things, but only if they sincerely understood what we talked about in their own hearts.
I've been spending more and more time exploring these views. Faces and eyes peering from the shadows of open doorways, cracks, corners and reflections seem much less harmless when I take the time to try and understand them. It's the same with any other person...
Recently, in a debilitating state of exhaustion, I wandered around my apartment and felt like I was in another world entirely.
The subtle frame changes became obvious clippings filled with static, like a channel losing it's signal... but in my state I felt like the static was more real than the film. I focused on it, and it became clearer and clearer... delving through the static for a clearer image... the finally, those clips felt completely different...
...it was like I was under water.
Sound and time felt suspended... and the forms and objects around my house became extremely simplified. The walls, floors, doors and major architectural structures were there, but simplified. No handles, no molding or carpeting. If I questioned the absence of these features I came back to reality... so I tried not to. I tried to just observe.
The first thing I noticed was that light and shadow seemed to be the same. Wherever light or shadow was cast stayed the same between perspectives. And in many of the areas where I would see vaguely formed figures in shadow, a more vivid figure remained.
Whether to not draw attention or just as a result of my tiredness, I did not focus too much on these figures. Instead, I looked around the rooms to see what else held form. The mirrors remained, even their molding, but they did not reflect...instead they looked like other rooms entirely, or flat portals. Other than that, instead of seeing objects I would see lights and colors...like stains... of impressions. For example, my bottles of holistic medicines at first looked like floating liquid, but more precisely they looked like particles of a resonance bonding together... the same was with many surfaces and objects that I frequently touched or had affinities for... like my stuffed animals, my bed and couch, or my artwork and tools....
I eventually felt so drained, like my blood was thinning... finishing up my work, I once again ignored those things... and I lied down to sleep.
The next morning...everything was normal, and I was still quite exhausted...
...but my curiosity and detachment from reality felt stronger than ever.
In my extremely fatigued state, I begin to see things much differently. The world I know blurs, and shapes and figures that I only sensed before become more clear. It's like my normal perspective is a film strip, and behind the frames of what I normally see are forms I ignore... and as that strip decays, develops holes and thins, I can see another reality more and more distinctly in each frame.
This has been especially true whenever I stayed up late speaking to a friend about the nature of this unknown world. And often, my friends would begin to see the same things, but only if they sincerely understood what we talked about in their own hearts.
I've been spending more and more time exploring these views. Faces and eyes peering from the shadows of open doorways, cracks, corners and reflections seem much less harmless when I take the time to try and understand them. It's the same with any other person...
Recently, in a debilitating state of exhaustion, I wandered around my apartment and felt like I was in another world entirely.
The subtle frame changes became obvious clippings filled with static, like a channel losing it's signal... but in my state I felt like the static was more real than the film. I focused on it, and it became clearer and clearer... delving through the static for a clearer image... the finally, those clips felt completely different...
...it was like I was under water.
Sound and time felt suspended... and the forms and objects around my house became extremely simplified. The walls, floors, doors and major architectural structures were there, but simplified. No handles, no molding or carpeting. If I questioned the absence of these features I came back to reality... so I tried not to. I tried to just observe.
The first thing I noticed was that light and shadow seemed to be the same. Wherever light or shadow was cast stayed the same between perspectives. And in many of the areas where I would see vaguely formed figures in shadow, a more vivid figure remained.
Whether to not draw attention or just as a result of my tiredness, I did not focus too much on these figures. Instead, I looked around the rooms to see what else held form. The mirrors remained, even their molding, but they did not reflect...instead they looked like other rooms entirely, or flat portals. Other than that, instead of seeing objects I would see lights and colors...like stains... of impressions. For example, my bottles of holistic medicines at first looked like floating liquid, but more precisely they looked like particles of a resonance bonding together... the same was with many surfaces and objects that I frequently touched or had affinities for... like my stuffed animals, my bed and couch, or my artwork and tools....
I eventually felt so drained, like my blood was thinning... finishing up my work, I once again ignored those things... and I lied down to sleep.
The next morning...everything was normal, and I was still quite exhausted...
...but my curiosity and detachment from reality felt stronger than ever.
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