Remember Everything

As I sat in contemplation, seeing reels repeating on a cyclic timeline, a song titled "Remember Everything" came on the radio. It was clearly not a song that fit word-for-word with my feelings, but something about it spurned some thoughts that easily built off of my prior path of thought.

Oh, dear mother, I love you. I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough.

Something had to change, and I would die for the opportunity to go back and make that possible.
Dear father, forgive me. 'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up.

This bold action, too much for so little, you disagreed with me. It may have seemed like this disobedient child was doing something unfathomably foolish, but I did listen... and that's what made my decisions the most difficult.
In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone.

One action represented everything you felt for me. You did not support my choice, but you did not intervene. Thank you.

Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me. For never standing by you or being by your side.
You came with me. You didn't have to. You had to against your better judgement. Despite this, I put my vision for a new reality before your happiness, trusting you had the power to grasp it for yourself... Diverging, did I lose you? Did you find what you needed?
Dear sister, please don't blame me. I only did what I thought was truly right.
I know I don't make much sense to you. Your better judgement is not my better judgement. Nonetheless you came along, kicking my ass as needed down the road.
It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone.
But I know you all would not let that be my path without a fight. I'm always seeing familiar faces, even though as I walk by unnoticed.

I feel like running away, I'm still so far from home
Even running now won't bring me back to that place where I began. All there is, is moving forward.
You say that I'll never change, but what the fuck do you know?
Even as you pulled me by the hair screaming off my path, I returned to it. Even as you look down on me, I will rise. I can soar higher, because that heaviness will fall from my heart... and a bright new me would even reach out my hand to lift up an unchanged you.
I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you in.
Even killing the me that was so prideful, even losing everything, my power is secure.
Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now.
My mirror images reflected infinitely, I see what you have done. You see what I have done. Naked before myself, my most critical and unwavering judge.
I remember everything.
There is no hiding from myself, countless battle cries repeating individually... I will remember.
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain? Because I remember everything.
As I watch your sufferings, I failed to see their beauty, but if you can all help we can progress to understand pain painlessly.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
Together, we can balance it all, our universe... and expand beyond...
Because I remember everything.

It all went by so fast; I still can't change the past.
I can not change those dreams. Seeing them, I can only feel for them... and change myself.
I always will remember everything
If we could start again, would that have changed the end?
As we began this journey, these cycles, these lives, we did not know what would happen. We did not know what may come of it... but knowing an outcome before it occurs does not do justice to the journey or the destination...
As long as...We remember everything... Even as I suffer, even you. We can find the beauty and the good in... everything.