Kill the Romantic
You felt that you had killed me mercifully, slowly and purposefully...but I felt that sudden shock, a biting chill as the life I knew was no more.
I look at your image, and I wonder what it is I'm really doing here. Your face is lovely, of course, to me you are oh so lovely... but I knew we were not forever. "We" are not forever... "we" are not even a day. You go, I go..."we" part. I knew that from the beginning, but I thought I would not have to let you go this way. I thought maybe there was still a "you and I" that could remain in each others' lives.
I wanted to see you always. Hold you all ways. Keep you here, in my heart, in my arms. Not merely a being of my dreams, a part of my world...but you are a busy busy man.
For a moment, I am very bitter. Tears bursting in a volatile outbreak, I wish to lash out at you. If I were to hit you, maybe you would hit me back. Maybe you would care enough to at least do that... to at least show me a pain that is different from all the others... but you do exactly the same thing, thinking you know what's best.
I hope you will still remain here, in my life. Even for that passing instance where we may dance together at a club, smiling "this is my friend".
To save myself, to become the me that you could still love, to hold onto a fragment of our brief time together... I think I must kill these feelings...
...the part of me that is not loveable, that is hideous even... is so hopelessly and stupidly romantic.
So hopeless... I know because I am the murderer of my own desires. The rapist of my own fantasies. I don't deserve a happily ever after. I don't deserve a "happy" ever. That's just the way I think, as I attempt to drown out that part of me.
I wonder if there is ever a place for such a pitiful shard of my being... I will probably repeat the cycle so many times...before that small piece can finally find it's place in another world.
"Won't you love me for a time? As I am in your company, acknowledging your beautiful existence, even with all it's flaws."
I look at your image, and I wonder what it is I'm really doing here. Your face is lovely, of course, to me you are oh so lovely... but I knew we were not forever. "We" are not forever... "we" are not even a day. You go, I go..."we" part. I knew that from the beginning, but I thought I would not have to let you go this way. I thought maybe there was still a "you and I" that could remain in each others' lives.
I wanted to see you always. Hold you all ways. Keep you here, in my heart, in my arms. Not merely a being of my dreams, a part of my world...but you are a busy busy man.
For a moment, I am very bitter. Tears bursting in a volatile outbreak, I wish to lash out at you. If I were to hit you, maybe you would hit me back. Maybe you would care enough to at least do that... to at least show me a pain that is different from all the others... but you do exactly the same thing, thinking you know what's best.
I hope you will still remain here, in my life. Even for that passing instance where we may dance together at a club, smiling "this is my friend".
To save myself, to become the me that you could still love, to hold onto a fragment of our brief time together... I think I must kill these feelings...
...the part of me that is not loveable, that is hideous even... is so hopelessly and stupidly romantic.
So hopeless... I know because I am the murderer of my own desires. The rapist of my own fantasies. I don't deserve a happily ever after. I don't deserve a "happy" ever. That's just the way I think, as I attempt to drown out that part of me.
I wonder if there is ever a place for such a pitiful shard of my being... I will probably repeat the cycle so many times...before that small piece can finally find it's place in another world.
"Won't you love me for a time? As I am in your company, acknowledging your beautiful existence, even with all it's flaws."
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