Parts of a Whore
Recently, it feels like I'm going back in time and experiencing life with more control. I'm experiencing things other people figured out long ago in middle school and high school... but probably with a lot more cynicism than ignorant wonder and excitement.
I'm realizing to what extent my thoughts and feelings go against society.
It takes the love of many, those who are "soul mates", for one to grow and realize their true potential. The existence of one person who fulfills all your needs...that you also fulfill... is highly unlikely. This isn't pessimistic, unless you are really that possessive of the people in your life...
To be unable to stand someone you like with anyone else... getting jealous just because they like someone that isn't you... to me that shows that you don't really care about that person as a person, you care about them as your possession. If you are going to be like that, at least have the courtesy to be with someone who wants to be treated that way, or will reciprocate the feeling. Becoming jealous, really just brings out the worst in you... those who are jealous are truly ugly in that moment.
I know... because at those times, I do not know myself. At those times, I do not recognize the person consumed by emotion. Losing yourself in carnal instinct... you are just human. You are not anymore evolved than the animals of this planet... You are not accepting your potential. You cease to climb to a higher sphere, and you stay in a cycle of fear, pain, and hate.
I wish there was a way for me to keep people from being jealous. But if someone cannot learn for themselves, my help means nothing. I just have to focus on myself, the things I'm learning...and never intend to hurt someone.
It makes me sad, though, that even without intention, people I love are hurt. I really wish we could all escape society's clutches... if we could all just join together and find freedom...
...it would be something like an orgy? Why is it, people in this society are so afraid of sexuality? I am no exception, for now... but as I'm climbing above this cloud of control and oppression, I'm seeing that there is a lot less to fear. It makes me sad, to see how some of the best people refuse to see past the conventions of society and humanity. At least spiritual fanatics do not subjugate themselves to a world that doesn't give a damn about them... but I know why it is this way...
From the beginning, life has been a power struggle. A struggle between men...between gods...between gods and men. Governments, religions, even families... everything has been set up to control individuals, to maintain a low enough vibration of existence for man, that he may not obtain the power of a god.
A convention such as marriage, oh marriage... I feel that marriage itself never benefits a relationship; it merely provides a test of its strength and a temporal promise. But honestly, if you do not wish to escape the control society has over you, this is perfect. This is, actually, your goal. Images of pairing off by twos have been flashed in front of you all your life, since birth. You can only be with one person, so there is one person made for you. If your relationships with people you thought were "the one" fail, it was because they weren't yours. If you never pair up with anyone...you are just a complete failure, in love and life... how far from the truth. If you feel every time a relationship doesn't go the way relationships go in TV and stories it is a failure, you will probably fail to learn what you needed to from that person.
If I love the people who come into my life... if I love each one, and follow my heart, my instinct and feelings... but I never single one person out, never ask "what are we...friends, lovers, spouses...", never expect them to ask me those questions...never do what everyone else does... I am something like an outcast. With a lovely scarlet letter and the word "whore" or "slut" burned onto my forehead.
I want so badly... to escape this horrible world.
If I love you, if my heart pulls toward you... I want to be able to follow that pull.
I want to be honest with you.
Even if I wake up naked and alone, because you got scared and you ran away. If I get slapped across the face, because you don't like that I was with someone else yesterday.
If you ask, what are you thinking about, and it's not you... I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to deceive you. I want to be able to speak the truth to you, so you don't have to find it by yourself.
If I tell you I love you, and you say the same back...I don't want that to mean you have to only love me. I don't want you to stay with me, if you feel like you should be with someone else.
I want to love you. I don't want you to tell me a lie, just because you want me to like you... If you hurt me, I will grow to overcome the pain. If you are honest, I know you love me. I can know that I love the real you.
I love you.
I want those words to be freeing....not a burden.
I'm realizing to what extent my thoughts and feelings go against society.
It takes the love of many, those who are "soul mates", for one to grow and realize their true potential. The existence of one person who fulfills all your needs...that you also fulfill... is highly unlikely. This isn't pessimistic, unless you are really that possessive of the people in your life...
To be unable to stand someone you like with anyone else... getting jealous just because they like someone that isn't you... to me that shows that you don't really care about that person as a person, you care about them as your possession. If you are going to be like that, at least have the courtesy to be with someone who wants to be treated that way, or will reciprocate the feeling. Becoming jealous, really just brings out the worst in you... those who are jealous are truly ugly in that moment.
I know... because at those times, I do not know myself. At those times, I do not recognize the person consumed by emotion. Losing yourself in carnal instinct... you are just human. You are not anymore evolved than the animals of this planet... You are not accepting your potential. You cease to climb to a higher sphere, and you stay in a cycle of fear, pain, and hate.
I wish there was a way for me to keep people from being jealous. But if someone cannot learn for themselves, my help means nothing. I just have to focus on myself, the things I'm learning...and never intend to hurt someone.
It makes me sad, though, that even without intention, people I love are hurt. I really wish we could all escape society's clutches... if we could all just join together and find freedom...
...it would be something like an orgy? Why is it, people in this society are so afraid of sexuality? I am no exception, for now... but as I'm climbing above this cloud of control and oppression, I'm seeing that there is a lot less to fear. It makes me sad, to see how some of the best people refuse to see past the conventions of society and humanity. At least spiritual fanatics do not subjugate themselves to a world that doesn't give a damn about them... but I know why it is this way...
From the beginning, life has been a power struggle. A struggle between men...between gods...between gods and men. Governments, religions, even families... everything has been set up to control individuals, to maintain a low enough vibration of existence for man, that he may not obtain the power of a god.
A convention such as marriage, oh marriage... I feel that marriage itself never benefits a relationship; it merely provides a test of its strength and a temporal promise. But honestly, if you do not wish to escape the control society has over you, this is perfect. This is, actually, your goal. Images of pairing off by twos have been flashed in front of you all your life, since birth. You can only be with one person, so there is one person made for you. If your relationships with people you thought were "the one" fail, it was because they weren't yours. If you never pair up with anyone...you are just a complete failure, in love and life... how far from the truth. If you feel every time a relationship doesn't go the way relationships go in TV and stories it is a failure, you will probably fail to learn what you needed to from that person.
If I love the people who come into my life... if I love each one, and follow my heart, my instinct and feelings... but I never single one person out, never ask "what are we...friends, lovers, spouses...", never expect them to ask me those questions...never do what everyone else does... I am something like an outcast. With a lovely scarlet letter and the word "whore" or "slut" burned onto my forehead.
I want so badly... to escape this horrible world.
If I love you, if my heart pulls toward you... I want to be able to follow that pull.
I want to be honest with you.
Even if I wake up naked and alone, because you got scared and you ran away. If I get slapped across the face, because you don't like that I was with someone else yesterday.
If you ask, what are you thinking about, and it's not you... I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to deceive you. I want to be able to speak the truth to you, so you don't have to find it by yourself.
If I tell you I love you, and you say the same back...I don't want that to mean you have to only love me. I don't want you to stay with me, if you feel like you should be with someone else.
I want to love you. I don't want you to tell me a lie, just because you want me to like you... If you hurt me, I will grow to overcome the pain. If you are honest, I know you love me. I can know that I love the real you.
I love you.
I want those words to be freeing....not a burden.
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