Voice of Destiny

I had a good time at a concert/fashion show...and it's one event in a succession of fated events...

I've been thinking a lot about wanting friends, and how I don't know how to go about it. I've been thinking about things I want to do, things I want to buy/get. And only recently have I come to accept that I have to do something. I can't just put things off because I "don't have money". Because I've accepted that money isn't the most important thing, and I've been focusing on my strong desire to branch out and change...things have been going well.

There are so many voices, pictures, and feelings within me and without, trying to influence me and change my direction. One night, I finally listened to one.


I got a text from my RA about an event, and I was really hyper...so I took a chance and went (even though no one I knew was going with me and I didn't know what the event was). It was interesting, and I got to introduce myself to some people...but I also won a raffle. And I had a good feeling about the raffle...my number was the last one called, and it was called right as I had resigned to not winning. Right when I thought "it doesn't matter if I win...but I want it" it happened. I didn't really understand what I'd won, but it made me happy to win. I felt really good.


Then, I went to Karaoke. I thought "I went to this event on my own and it went well, why not go to something else?"


At Karaoke, I saw one of the foreign students I've been seeing around campus. I've been so interested in meeting her, I decided to stay as long as I could. I even ventured to sing two songs that came to mind (Wine Red by the Hush Sound and Handlebars by the Flobots) partially to impress her and create and impression, and mostly because I just felt like it. I felt really happy that I did it, even though I was nervous and the second song may have shocked people. I was so proud of what I could do. But I didn't talk to that girl...I really wanted to. It just didn't seem like the right time.

I had to do volunteer hours for a class...and I did not know they were due so soon. So, I decided, almost on a whim, to go with a random elementary school's festival. I had been wishing I could have some better snacks in my life, but have resigned not to care since I don't really have the money for it...at the festival they gave me a lot of cookies/sweets to take home. I also met Maia, someone who had seen me at Karaoke. We hit it off okay, and decided to meet up and go to the concert/fashion show I won a ticket for.

When we met up, it turned out one of her friends was the girl from before. I finally got to meet her. Fate would have it, that she would get her ticket mixed up at the ticket desk and be sent to the "wrong section" where my seat was, instead of where her ticket was for. Our seats put us right in front of the stage, practically the best seats in the house. It also put us right in the action as a man proposed to his girlfriend of 5 years. We got to see and experience everything.

The man next to me handed me a CD from one of the performers (the most popular one, a rapper) but he only gave me one. At first, I thought it was nice and lucky and thought to keep it. A voice in my head and my heart told me it should go to the girl with me. I clearly imagined her taking it back to Japan and remembering the happy time we had. It took a little bit of time, but I eventually found time to give it to her...It's okay if it doesn't mean much...but I hope it touches her some way.

I was so frustrated getting dressed before the concert, everything I could imagine wearing was missing one or two things. All the same things. A jacket and ankle boots. I don't have either. I was thinking "if only I had money to buy one of those items" but I decided to stop thinking that way. I thought "it actually doesn't matter. I don't need them"...and I won a gift card at the concert.

One of the tickets I won is also for the homecoming dance. I told the girl, my new acquaintance, that I was planning on going. She looked excited and told her friend that she wants to come. I hope she does.

I found out she is leaving in December. That makes me sad, but so happy that I got to meet her before then. I worry that some of the other interesting people I have been watching could just as easily disappear from my life. I don't want to let them go, like that. I feel so strongly that I need to talk to some of them. Because I followed that first inspiration, I feel like that's possible now. I'm almost overwhelmed by how smoothly this has all panned out. I'm desperately thankful to the powers that be...to love...and truth...and nature, and especially...to the voice of destiny, the feelings within my heart.