Being Beside You...

...but you can not see me...

...Blindness.

I've been becoming more and more happy recently, it's been difficult. Today I had a nice little relapse, though, and it was refreshing. I got so much inspiration, I just could not stop. So many drawings and songs. The feelings of sinking to the floor in emotion or crying from inner turmoil, they were strange to miss?

There are good reasons to return from this, though. Good reasons to face my fears...


There is a man in my presence. Not now, but around.
There are boys everywhere, but I thought I found something rare: a man.
Today, I parted my hair different, the boys liked that.
To me, it was funny. I liked to be noticed, sort of, but I did not particularly care for the attention.
It seemed too stupid.
With that man, though, I don't see so much of that stupidity.
Thank you for pushing me out of the darkness for a moment.
Why is it, though, I let you make me feel like a girl... like a woman?
A little glance or a touch of our hands, and I will think "what is this feeling?"
... that really put me out of sorts...
But I feel like this is all inside my mind.
You may not even be different.
I thought, at one point, that you were the same as the others. Probably, just another boy.
So maybe, my desire has turned you into a man... even only in my mind.
I'm afraid I don't make sense.
Do I ever?
...I must really be out of sorts...
I like boys too, though, strangely enough.
They make me laugh.
In fact, sometimes I may think "what is this feeling" just because I'm not used to boys.
I much prefer a man, though...
...or a woman, even.
Never a girl, they annoy me; we're too similar.
I think I prefer: a man to a woman, a woman to a boy, and a boy to a girl.
What you are is not even entirely up to you or nature, in my mind. Hah!
Ah, do I love not making sense!
I think I take pride on it, in fact.
Maybe it does make sense (it does to me) but I doubt it for most, so I say it doesn't.
Maybe for you, it will.
Exceptions are made wherever I feel, and rules to be excepted rarely exist in the first place.

But, in case you are still following me, here is the reason I'm writing today. Not a man, woman, movie or dance...but a thought. Manifest in the form of a poem. Take it or leave it, but it is here to prove it existed and to drive it into my memory further. The thought, and its lyric:

I want to do everything.

I want to dance

And I want to sing.

I want to dream,

And create what I see.

When I close my eyes,

I see a world, of wonderful things.

I wish you could know just what I am,

But my heart has a cage

Impenetrable, indestructible.

I know,

Because I built it.

However, I

Want to love everything.

I want to laugh

And I want to cry.

I want to scream,

And destroy what I’ve made.

I’ve made such pretty things,

The wonders I’ve dreamed,

But I see reality,

What you think of me,

And it’s not the same.